Q. But it seems to me there are circumstances that simply induce one to have negative emotions! A. This is one of the worst illusions we have. We think that negative emotions are produced by circumstances, whereas all negative emotions are in us, inside us. This is a very important point. We always think our negative emotions are produced by the fault of other people or by the fault of circumstances. We always think that. Our negative emotions are in ourselves and are produced by ourselves. There is absolutely not a single unavoidable reason why somebody else's action or some circumstance should produce a negative emotion in me. It is only my weakness. No negative emotion can be produced by external causes if we do not want it. We have negative emotions because we permit them, justify them, explain them by external causes, and in this way we do not struggle with them.

• the fourth way
• react vs respond
• circumstance
• stoicism
• illusions
• transactional analysis
• external causes
• trading stamps
• struggle
• negative emotions
• circumstances
• emotion
• reason
• emotions
• other

A woman came home from a group meeting one day where she had heard [the concept of psychological trading stamps] for the first time, and explained it to her twelve-year-old son.  He said, 'Okay, mom, I'll be back soon.'  When he returned, he had made a small roll of perforated paper stamps and a little dispenser to hold them, together with a paper book with the pages ruled off into squares.  On the first page he had written: 'This page, when full of stamps, entitles you to one free suffer.'  He understood perfectly.

• trading stamps
• transactional analysis
• negative emotions
• suffering
• desire
• the fourth way
• time

It is just as hard for a patient to give up a lifelong collection of hard-earned psychological trading stamps as it would be for a housewife to burn her commercial ones.  This is one factor hindering recover, since, in order to be cured, the patient must not only stop playing games compulsively, but must also forgo the 'pleasures' of using the stamps he has collected previously.  'Forgiveness' of previous wrongs is not enough: they have to become truly irrelevant for the future course of his life if he truly gives up his script.

• mechanicalness
• negative emotions
• trading stamps
• transactional analysis
• forgiveness
• life
• future
• games

People like to show their collections of feelings to others, and to talk about who has more or better angers, hurts, guilts, fears, etc.  In fact, many saloons become showrooms where people can go to boast about their trading stamps: 'You think your wife is unreasonable - well, listen to this!' or 'I know what you mean.  It takes even less than that to hurt (scare) me.  Yesterday...' or 'Embarrassed (guilty, inadequate)? I coulda sunk through the floor!

• humanity
• mechanicalness
• negative emotions
• trading stamps
• desire
• suffering
• emotions